I've been working on this post for a while now. I'm sorry for the lack of communication. When I'm not at my store, I'm at my studio. I try to make plenty of room for nice relaxing free time, but that usually involves any and all avoidance with computers.
My grandfather passed away last Saturday afternoon. I got the call while at work. Sunday morning, I left for my mom's house; the second I arrived, we left for my grandmother's in North Carolina. It was what I expected: the wake left us all speechless with the number of friends my Nannie has; the funeral was sad and tearful; the ride was long and quiet; the milkshakes at Varner's were just as delicious as I remembered them; and my mom and aunt together are still the funniest people I know.
I suppose I should be sad. I was sad at the funeral, when my closest cousin gave a speech, mentioning how our Pawpaw used to dress up as Santa for Christmas, torture us with fishing shows on Saturday mornings, and how we all had little secret sayings/riddles/memories with him. But then she mentioned how 14 years ago, he had a heart transplant. How everyday, he had to take 50 pills for the last 14 years. How at night, he could hardly breathe or couldn't move quickly. My pawpaw has been sick for as long as I can remember. 2 months ago, he was diagnosed with lung cancer; the battle overtook him, and he went fast. My Nannie is doing so well. We were all worried, but I think it's been coming for so long that it's just one more thing to adjust to in her life. I can't even believe how well she's doing. She's barely left Brevard in 15 years, and you know one of the things she said to me in private? That she wants to come visit my mother and me and spend a long weekend together. I was warmly surprised, because I know I don't have to cry for her. She's spent her entire life taking care of everyone else, and now she can finally take care of herself. She can leave whenever she wants, take trips to see her daughters and granddaughters; eat when she wants, clean for herself, and watch whatever she wants to on TV.
I had one of those revelations again. You know the kind, where you're sitting at the funeral and realize just how short and small life really is. It hits me even more when I'm at work, listening to other people's conversations. I hear about how a mother has to get her kid to the soccer game/birthday party or when they all make plans to have dinner one night a week. And it reminds me that everything we think is important, usually isn't. I know that I can say "I'll try harder" in regards to family visits, communication with others, and remembering birthdays. And I will, but I'm realistic enough to know it will only last for a short period before my life gets in the way and I forget to check in with reality once in a while.
This isn't a sad post. It really isn't. Life is good. I have two great jobs that allow me to live in an unbelievable apartment, a steady relationship, a silly dog, family close to me, and both best and new friends. I guess it's just when you go to a funeral, everyone's always saying "It's been so long, we can't let the next time we see each other be at an event like this, let's see each other more often!" And you mean it at the time, you really do. But everyone has different schedules and obligations. For example, I'll never have another Saturday off for as long as I work at my shop. So I need to take the weekdays I have off and use them as best I can. While it may mean I'll miss all my nephew's Saturday morning soccer games, it also means that I could take that Tuesday night to spend with him while it's quiet after school and homework, away from chaotic weekends and summer vacations. So that's what I'll do. I just have to use my time to the best of my advantage. I have goals and haven't lost sight of my dreams, but I accept that sometimes reality steps in just to remind me that I can't always live in my daydreams. While I'm 100% certain I will go to Rome, I have to understand it might not be within the next few months. It will take time to acquire the necessary things (you know, like money for the plane ticket). My life has gotten busier, almost as much as my senior year in college, but this time I'm learning something. Where in college, I was so busy I could hardly see straight, this go round I'm appreciating the time I have for myself when I actually have it.
I suppose this is where I'm supposed to say "Carpe diem" and "Live like you mean it" and all those other cliched phrases. But I don't want to--instead, I'll simply remind you to truly enjoy something every day. Doesn't matter what it is. Even if you're having a bad day where nothing can go right, you need to find something that will make you smile. Sometimes, for me, it's a nice conversation with a customer or a wonderful compliment from your boss. Could be sitting on the couch with your dog in your lap...that's usually mine. You are the only person who can let yourself have a terrible day. I know people who have terrible days and still can't be brought down, even if it's hospital stay with a bad head wound after a bike accident, a new mother with breast cancer, elderly people with serious sickness. My grandfather had a lot of terrible days, but he never let it get him down. I never saw him anything but happy to be alive, grateful for his 2nd heart that kept him around for 14 more years with his family. Those people are inspiring and I think of them to get me through every day.
Remember--one thing you truly enjoy every day.
LC.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Crisis Averted.
It's been a while since my last post. Things have been insanely busy around here--between trying to get the apartment set up exactly how we wanted it, moving the old studio into the new place (working 12 hours a day moving equipment, boxes, and furniture), and shooting weddings and editing photos...it's been a long 2 or 3 weeks. They've been great though. I love my boss and I'm really excited for all the things we want to do now that we're all moved into the new studio. We have a long ways to go for it to be exactly how it should be (for example, we plan on ripping out carpet and putting in new wood floors in the studio part, as well as sorting through all his stuff to see what stays and goes since it's a smaller place), but I'm excited for it. I've got ideas and plans and the best part is that he listens to me, wants to hear my thoughts, and quizzes me about things I've learned. I've already learned a lot just in 3 weeks, about photography and software. The hours are a little hectic right now just because of the move with everything else happening (he also runs a computer business), but I think once the moving in part of things settles down, we can get rolling on the business side of things, such as scheduling high school senior photos, more weddings, and other events. He's got me working on business cards, Facebook page, the website, and other things. I'm even teaching myself HTML/CSS and trying to learn Java. Kinda makes me feel smart!
J had an interview with the Roanoke Times this morning, and has another with a restaurant for their kitchen tomorrow afternoon. I've been concerned about finances the last couple of weeks. I haven't slept in days because I just lie awake thinking about everything--work and all the things we need to do for that, J getting a job, and how we can afford to pay rent and bills. I've never been this broke before in my life, not even in college. The move to Roanoke wiped me out and I was trying desperately to avoid asking anyone for money. I just found out that I still have a small bit of money coming in since I'm really just part time, and that makes me incredibly relieved. I feel like tonight I'll actually sleep because my mind is more at ease.
I've been terrible about keeping up with communication lately, and that's with everyone. I didn't even talk to my own mother for 3 days because I worked until midnight each night, and that's not normal, since we talk every day. I feel like now that we're settled in, I can now focus a little better on keeping up with my friends, because I really miss them. All I've done lately is work and sleep-I've barely even seen Erica in the last 2 weeks, and she lives 2 floors above me!
And already I have to end this post. I have to catch up on all the things I've missed the last few days, like laundry, making a meal or two (I'm now familiar with forgetting to eat), and playing ball with Fisher. Although that will quickly be replaced with designing business cards and website ideas. It's good to be a workaholic again.
LC.
J had an interview with the Roanoke Times this morning, and has another with a restaurant for their kitchen tomorrow afternoon. I've been concerned about finances the last couple of weeks. I haven't slept in days because I just lie awake thinking about everything--work and all the things we need to do for that, J getting a job, and how we can afford to pay rent and bills. I've never been this broke before in my life, not even in college. The move to Roanoke wiped me out and I was trying desperately to avoid asking anyone for money. I just found out that I still have a small bit of money coming in since I'm really just part time, and that makes me incredibly relieved. I feel like tonight I'll actually sleep because my mind is more at ease.
I've been terrible about keeping up with communication lately, and that's with everyone. I didn't even talk to my own mother for 3 days because I worked until midnight each night, and that's not normal, since we talk every day. I feel like now that we're settled in, I can now focus a little better on keeping up with my friends, because I really miss them. All I've done lately is work and sleep-I've barely even seen Erica in the last 2 weeks, and she lives 2 floors above me!
And already I have to end this post. I have to catch up on all the things I've missed the last few days, like laundry, making a meal or two (I'm now familiar with forgetting to eat), and playing ball with Fisher. Although that will quickly be replaced with designing business cards and website ideas. It's good to be a workaholic again.
LC.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What Day Is It?
I have been asking "What day is it?" every day for the last two weeks. And most times, the people I ask hesitate because they're clueless too.
It's been a hectic week (two weeks?). J, his mom, and Fisher all arrived safely Saturday morning after splitting the drive in half by leaving the night before. We had lunch and set off to get things moved in. It went faster than I anticipated, thanks to a few helping hands and we were almost completely unpacked by the end of the day. The only things left are my books, which I'm waiting to buy a bookcase for, and some odds and ends, including wall hangings. Mom is coming back up Saturday to do some more apartment shopping, and I'm more excited about it than two weeks ago. We're finally in the apartment, can view how much space is left over, and see the colors that would look best. She loves the apartment, as much as I do. I still can't believe I live here. My new bed is beautiful and I can't wait until the barstools and table arrive to complete the rest of the furniture. It's so quiet at night, and with the giant industrial blinds, it's so dark in the apartment that even when it's 10am, I think it's only 5 or 6 am because there's no sun out yet. Even Fisher seems to love it, now that he's conquered his fear of the tall steps. He's been great with other people outside of the apartment and has even stopped flipping out when he sees other dogs outside. I've even already done a small painting to complement the new rug my mom bought us, and I want to create more so that they complete a series to match the living room. J's already learned how to make chocolate mousse, and different flavors of sorbet, and he loves the kitchen. He hasn't poked his head out of his cookbooks once since we got settled in, but I don't mind. If it's something he's passionate about doing, then I fully support him, as long as it doesn't make me fat.
I have no complaints. Work is good too. I haven't had a lot of hours so far, but the boss got caught up in a wedding album that was due last week and then the studio is moving next door this weekend. But he told me that once that's over with and we're moved in, I can work the hours I want and need, both for myself and to help his business with marketing. We had a bridal shoot last night that went well and I'm already learning a lot (I'm just so glad I took that photo class at Watkins so I don't look like a complete fool). I've come up with marketing ideas he really likes and I know he's wanting to give me responsibilities, both to see how I handle it, and to make sure that he can trust me with his business when he's not around. He tells me how he loves my confidence when I tell him I have no worries about getting along with him, says I'm full of spunk because I always throw my own sarcasm back at him, that I'm intelligent because I catch on quickly and not only ask lots of questions, but write the answers down to study later.
My engagement session was canceled this afternoon, due to schedules and weather. So I better go find something else to do. Assuming I can remember what day it is, of course...
LC.
It's been a hectic week (two weeks?). J, his mom, and Fisher all arrived safely Saturday morning after splitting the drive in half by leaving the night before. We had lunch and set off to get things moved in. It went faster than I anticipated, thanks to a few helping hands and we were almost completely unpacked by the end of the day. The only things left are my books, which I'm waiting to buy a bookcase for, and some odds and ends, including wall hangings. Mom is coming back up Saturday to do some more apartment shopping, and I'm more excited about it than two weeks ago. We're finally in the apartment, can view how much space is left over, and see the colors that would look best. She loves the apartment, as much as I do. I still can't believe I live here. My new bed is beautiful and I can't wait until the barstools and table arrive to complete the rest of the furniture. It's so quiet at night, and with the giant industrial blinds, it's so dark in the apartment that even when it's 10am, I think it's only 5 or 6 am because there's no sun out yet. Even Fisher seems to love it, now that he's conquered his fear of the tall steps. He's been great with other people outside of the apartment and has even stopped flipping out when he sees other dogs outside. I've even already done a small painting to complement the new rug my mom bought us, and I want to create more so that they complete a series to match the living room. J's already learned how to make chocolate mousse, and different flavors of sorbet, and he loves the kitchen. He hasn't poked his head out of his cookbooks once since we got settled in, but I don't mind. If it's something he's passionate about doing, then I fully support him, as long as it doesn't make me fat.
I have no complaints. Work is good too. I haven't had a lot of hours so far, but the boss got caught up in a wedding album that was due last week and then the studio is moving next door this weekend. But he told me that once that's over with and we're moved in, I can work the hours I want and need, both for myself and to help his business with marketing. We had a bridal shoot last night that went well and I'm already learning a lot (I'm just so glad I took that photo class at Watkins so I don't look like a complete fool). I've come up with marketing ideas he really likes and I know he's wanting to give me responsibilities, both to see how I handle it, and to make sure that he can trust me with his business when he's not around. He tells me how he loves my confidence when I tell him I have no worries about getting along with him, says I'm full of spunk because I always throw my own sarcasm back at him, that I'm intelligent because I catch on quickly and not only ask lots of questions, but write the answers down to study later.
My engagement session was canceled this afternoon, due to schedules and weather. So I better go find something else to do. Assuming I can remember what day it is, of course...
LC.
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