Hello Again, World.

I am officially tired of the job search. I received the fanciest rejection letter ever yesterday from a job I applied for at Virginia Tech. I appreciate the elegance of your denying me employment, VT, but it doesn't make it any easier. I think I'm losing my mind a little from a combination of things: feeling cooped up in the house (to avoid spending money), stressing out about money or lack thereof, and the key clue that I'm losing my mind is that I think I talk to my dog so much that even he's getting tired of me and leaving the room.

I'm trying to move back to Virginia. It was probably obvious in my last few postings since I returned from my trip back, but I'm officially saying it in my blog now. Because I have no ties here and now I have no job, I see no reason for me not to be able to be closer to my family. As I've vehemently stated before, my nephews are my entire world and I want to be able to see them far more often than I do now. When I went back home and then came back to Nashville, I realized that my priorities were not in order, and needed to be. I also feel as though my chapter here in Nashville is ending. I know I wasn't fair to Nashville: I was stubborn to dive in and enjoy it, I picked a lot of fights, and it wasn't until we moved to East Nashville that I really began to love it. Don't take my wanting to move home personally, Nashville. You're simply too far away from where I want and need to be now. You're a great city, full of life, and you've provided me with a lot of culture shock and life experience. But I think my time here has come to an end, and it's time I leave your bright lights and head back. I'll visit; some of my best friends will still be here, with a guest bed and warm conversation.

Obviously, I'm not moving next week. It's going to take time and patience, two things I always feel I lack. I always want things to happen right away, and this is no exception. But since I'm applying to so many different areas of the state, I can't just up and move to one city, because knowing my luck, two weeks later I'll have to move again. So right now, I'm searching long-distance for a job. Once I get a phone call, interview, or possible offer, I'll find a place to live. J says he wants to move, too. I'm worried that he doesn't want to leave Nashville, and that it will lead to resentment and anger against me and the new city, the way I felt when I first moved to be with him. But time will tell, and we'll see how things turn out. Right now, I'm just applying to everything within my limits, and hoping that something works out. I've always had luck at everything--I've always somehow managed to get good grades, leader of this, captain of that. My job at Turner fell into my lap, like most things have in the past. So all I can hope for is that I keep trying hard and hope that the universe cuts me a break and gets my foot in a door.

In the meantime, I'm still living just as before. I have lunches with B, dinner with M, phone calls with E. I take Fisher to the park and get groceries and apply for jobs. I still need to keep from going stir-crazy. My mom suggested I find someplace to volunteer. I would like to volunteer at the Frist Center of Arts, which I might look into, but truth be told, I feel that I need to be responsible and stay at the house to save money and to look for jobs. By the time I get up and work out, it's nearly lunchtime. Then I spend the afternoon looking for jobs and if I run out of steam, I work on writing or art projects. Then the day is nearly over because people get off work and it's time for dinner and relaxing and all that jazz. I've also been writing a lot more, and it sounds silly, but I want to stay responsible and keep doing that, to continue pushing myself. It's good for my mind, and I'm excited about some of my ideas. They may never amount to a single thing, but it keeps my mind active and busy because I get involved with storylines, characters, and scenery until I look up and it's 2am. This new story I've been developing...I'm really excited about it. I've got E helping me with proper Italian names to fit in the storyline. I've watched and taken notes from Neil Gaiman's "MirrorMask" for inspiration. I'm looking forward to seeing how the story develops in my mind.

Speaking of writing, I think I want to get back to that. It's a mental release to turn off the TV, pause the job search, blast on music, and type away a fantasy world that I've created. I think I'll go do that right now. I need a job search break.

LC.